9.11.2012

words

I don't usually talk about 9/11.
I am not one of those people who puts a Patriotic photo on facebook.
Or tweets about remembering.
Not because I don't care- I do- I just don't use social media to reflect on tragic events.
there is nothing wrong with doing this.
i just don't.

but maybe here.

I was a sophomore in college.
I just just declared Politics as my major.
I was in class, which was being held in the brand new New Hampshire Institute of Politics center on campus.
when the first plane hit, we moved from our classroom to the small cafe- there were tvs on the walls.
we were watching the news when the second plane hit.
I remember thinking that it wasn't a second plane we were seeing, but just a replay of the first.
it wasn't.
New York felt a million miles away.
I didn't know anyone there.
or in D.C.
we watched, frozen.
and people cried.
but i just remember feeling so. far. away.
like i couldn't relate to those tiny people on the tv screen who were covered in ash, crying and walking around dazed.
and then all classes were cancelled.
and we all trickled back to our rooms- and my parents called.
and everyone was stunned into silence.
that was the quietest day on campus.
and the girls in my dorm all meet in the lounge to talk about how we "felt".
and I still couldn't relate.
i felt terrible for those who were in the midst of the tragedy,
but felt like I didn't deserve to be sad. I didn't know anyone in the buildings. or on the planes. or on the ground.
so why should I allow myself to feel sad?
I tend to make myself feel guilty about my emotions.
like when my cousin died my senior year of high school, i felt like i had no right to be sad, since his parents and siblings were definitely more sad than I. My grief paled in comparison to theirs so i should keep mine to myself.
now I know that isn't how sadness and grief work.
now I know that being sad when those planes hit would have been ok for me to show my emotions.

so today, 11 years later, I will tell you- i feel such sadness for what happened that day.
and hope that the years have offered healing and peace to those who experienced loss.

all the words I have on 9/11/01.


3 comments:

Taylor said...

i like your non imposing attitude towards 9/11 and i feel the exact same way, esp. with social media..less is more. we all know what we are thinking regarding 9/11.

also - thank you for your sweet comment on my fashion illustrations. i too cannot wait to pile on the warm scarves.:)

anticipationblog.blogspot.com

Serena said...

Wow, I felt so similar to how you felt regarding 9/11 when it was happening... like it was so far away, and i just couldn't relate to what was happening. It was almost like I depersonalized it, as if I was watching a movie that just wasn't real life. It honestly wasn't until a couple years when I started to watch the eye witness videos people had (which are now shown every anniversary) of people watching from their apartments, unsure what's going on next, seeing something fall from a building and screaming and praying "please don't let that be a person" that I really felt the full sadness and grief that accompanies 9/11. And it's just so sad. Thanks for sharing this.

Jessah @ Dreaming of Dimples said...

Thank you for sharing this. My hubby is a firefighter and I can't even imagine losing him in such a senseless tragedy. My heart breaks for all of those that mourn love ones lost that day.