I don't usually talk about 9/11.
I am not one of those people who puts a Patriotic photo on facebook.
Or tweets about remembering.
Not because I don't care- I do- I just don't use social media to reflect on tragic events.
there is nothing wrong with doing this.
i just don't.
but maybe here.
I was a sophomore in college.
I just just declared Politics as my major.
I was in class, which was being held in the brand new New Hampshire Institute of Politics center on campus.
when the first plane hit, we moved from our classroom to the small cafe- there were tvs on the walls.
we were watching the news when the second plane hit.
I remember thinking that it wasn't a second plane we were seeing, but just a replay of the first.
New York felt a million miles away.
I didn't know anyone there.
or in D.C.
we watched, frozen.
and people cried.
but i just remember feeling so. far. away.
like i couldn't relate to those tiny people on the tv screen who were covered in ash, crying and walking around dazed.
and then all classes were cancelled.
and we all trickled back to our rooms- and my parents called.
and everyone was stunned into silence.
that was the quietest day on campus.
and the girls in my dorm all meet in the lounge to talk about how we "felt".
and I still couldn't relate.
i felt terrible for those who were in the midst of the tragedy,
but felt like I didn't deserve to be sad. I didn't know anyone in the buildings. or on the planes. or on the ground.
so why should I allow myself to feel sad?
I tend to make myself feel guilty about my emotions.
like when my cousin died my senior year of high school, i felt like i had no right to be sad, since his parents and siblings were definitely more sad than I. My grief paled in comparison to theirs so i should keep mine to myself.
now I know that isn't how sadness and grief work.
now I know that being sad when those planes hit would have been ok for me to show my emotions.
so today, 11 years later, I will tell you- i feel such sadness for what happened that day.
and hope that the years have offered healing and peace to those who experienced loss.
all the words I have on 9/11/01.