9.26.2012

oops poops

I get embarrassed fairly easily.
especially around people I don't know- strangers. Like, in stores or walking down the street...if I trip or slip or something, it is pretty much the end of the world for me.
I turn bright red.
I get hot.
I feel as though life is over.
and I'm not the most graceful person, but I try really hard to be.
that time I got hit by a bike when I was running and fell so hard, skinning my knees and arms- I was more aware of how stupid I likely looked rather than how badly it hurt and how pissed I should have been at the 12 year old biker boy.

so, have I told you about the egg story?
it was over a year ago, in the grocery store.
I was tired from a long run I had just done, not paying attention to much, but had to go the store to grab several needed items at home.
I ran around the store, basket on my arm, filling it with various grocery items- and headed over to the egg area (?) where I searched carefully through cartons of eggs, making sure none were cracked.
I found a good carton. I went to place the carton in the basket on my arm.
and clearly my hand-eye coordination was off, or my depth perception, or I was just having a severe stupid moment...
but needless to say, the eggs did not end up in my basket.
instead, I very carefully placed the carton of eggs in the empty air space directly next to my basket.
and because of gravity, and the fact that eggs don't float,
they fell.
on the floor.
btdubs, in case you didn't know, large quantities of eggs (when dropped) explode.

that would have been terrible enough on its own- people seeing me drop eggs like that-
however, I made it worse.
because you know what I did?
I didn't utter the normal 'oh shit"
or drop an f-bomb.
or d-bomb.

haha d-bomb.
(that is damn, by the way).

but instead said very very loudly, "OOOOOOOH....chicken."
???

i know.
actually, I don't know.
Why did I say that?
Was my subconscious blaming the chicken who laid those eggs?
or just damning the entire chicken civilization?
either way, the people who weren't staring at me after I dropped the eggs, now were.
and trying not to laugh.

so I did what any normal person would do.
I put my basket of groceries on the ground.
I alerted the store of the mess.
and then me and my bright red face and egg splattered legs retreated from the grocery store as fast as we could.

the end.

i don't buy eggs by myself anymore.

4 comments:

Mel said...

I know this must have been terrible for you but I am dying laughing. Saying chicken is something I would do too. This is fantastic.

Emily said...

I am sitting in a very quiet study area and should have known better than to read this post, because this story makes me crack up just thinking of it. Anyway, I am now bright red, teary, and almost doubled over from trying to hold my laughter in. Soooooo funny! I love this story.

Empirically Erin said...

Hahaha I love this story. And I love how you decided to tell it. Who knew eggs don't float in air??

B said...

omg we are twins. i embarrass SOO easily and care way too much what strangers think. i do things like this regularly.

your story made me laugh out love. you are amazing! :)