a bumpy road

So. I made a tough decision. I decided not to take the bar exam next week. I made this decision carefully and thought it through. I have had conversations with friends. Talked it out with Jeff. Have his support. He understands.
But explaining it to my family?
That is a whole other story. 
and, it hurts that my explanations aren't being heard.
or that this choice, which is mine, is thought to be not really mine. 
My grandmother graciously paid for me to take it this time- which is so kind, but made my family think that I had to take the exam for her. For them.
but I can't do something just because other people want me to -more than I want to.
I just can't. I want to do this for me.
and me, well me doesn't want this right now.
but I feel icky, because disappointing my parents- no matter whether I'm right and they are wrong- makes me feel sick. 

I feel blue.


Anonymous said...

oh I so know this feeling :( But like you said, your life is yours to live, and if you live it trying to please others, well, you'll never ever be happy (trust me, I would know).

Jussie De Guida said...

Don't fret! You have to do things for yourself, and not others. While its hard for you to explain or for people to understand in the end you need to go with your gut. I know exactly how this feels, and it's not a good feeling but you need to keep your head up. I truly believe everything happens for a reason. You'll get through this and come out shining!

Jane said...

Those are hard decisions to make, but keep your chin up. I found this quote once and it helped me so much --

"Doubt whom you will, but never yourself." Christine Bovee

Trust yourself.