So. I made a tough decision. I decided not to take the bar exam next week. I made this decision carefully and thought it through. I have had conversations with friends. Talked it out with Jeff. Have his support. He understands.
But explaining it to my family?
That is a whole other story.
and, it hurts that my explanations aren't being heard.
or that this choice, which is mine, is thought to be not really mine.
My grandmother graciously paid for me to take it this time- which is so kind, but made my family think that I had to take the exam for her. For them.
but I can't do something just because other people want me to -more than I want to.
I just can't. I want to do this for me.
and me, well me doesn't want this right now.
but I feel icky, because disappointing my parents- no matter whether I'm right and they are wrong- makes me feel sick.
I feel blue.