january rain

it isn't "cold" today (40 degrees) but it is dark. and rainy. 
I made a lousy batch of coffee because I lost count of my scoops.
I dropped a pint of blueberries on the floor and watched them try to escape around the kitchen. Watched Cali's pure joy as she scrambled to get the blueberries with her tongue before I could pick them all up.
I ignored my alarm at 6:30 am. Again at 7. Again at 7:30. 
I am late. and lazy. and a severe procrastinator.
I had dreams filled with spiders and lightning and being stuck under a pile of sand.
the floor is wet from wet dog paws and I'm having a hard time ignoring that.
i can't tell my mind to let things go that I can't control.
i can't tell my mind to stop worrying about the dust bunnies under the heater and focus on my books instead.
or to stop worrying about the spare bedroom filled with half finished furniture.
i want orange juice and we don't have any.
my cat threw up on the carpet in the bathroom. again.
my student loans loom. and are huge. and the bills on my counter scare me.
i woke up feeling helpless and broke and scared.

But, I woke up.
I have blueberries to drop.
A coffee pot.
A roof to listen to the rain pound on.
A dog. a cat.
A bed.
a spare bedroom.
some days may start like this, but i'm lucky. no matter what.


Jacki said...

Oh yes. How I can relate to so much of this.

Emily said...

i love you. i miss you. xo

Alivia said...

This is perfection and I love you so, so so much.

Stephanie said...

This sounds like me last week. Here's to a beautiful week this week!

Casey said...

Beautiful post, and wonderful thoughts!

I found this post when Jaclyn linked up for Lots of Link Love with me this week. I hope you'll consider checking it out, and maybe even link up with my for the next Lots of Link Love on February 25th!