8.04.2010

a fine line between sympathy and crazy

I was thinking about my blog the other day and how I just sort of randomly write about whatever is going on that day. It sort of bothered me that my blog doesn't have a "theme" like many of my favorites do. But, maybe mine does. I do use this to vent a lot, especially about relationships, both romantic and friendly. So, that said...I'm sticking to relationships, the good & the bad.

Now, on to the bad. Ha! Okay this is a touchy subject, so bear with me. When Jeff’s mother passed away in June I couldn’t help but wonder when he would hear from his ex. Now, I wasn’t upset at the thought that she would most likely call and express her condolences because that is a normal response. They were together for some time and she knew his mother. I honestly wouldn’t hesitate to express my sympathy to my ex if someone I knew from his family passed away, so I didn’t think anything of it.

However, the phone call didn’t come. I thought that was strange, but as weeks passed I forgot about it. I thought maybe since he had received a sympathy card from her family that she felt that was enough. OR, maybe since he had never told her his mother was sick in the first place that saw it was clear Jeff doesn’t want her in his life and therefore felt no need to express her sympathy. OR maybe since she has done so much to me in the past several years and she knew that Jeff thinks she is lame for it that she felt no need to contact him. I was wrong.

About 2 weeks ago, the card came in the mail. To our house. How she obtained our address, I’ll never know. I saw the card, I saw the return address and I waited. Once Jeff read it, he handed it to me. Now, perhaps I am giving the psycho too much credit here, but before my eyes touched down on her loopy girlie handwriting, ALL I expected was a normal response to the heartbreak of Jeff’s mother passing. Normal as in, “so sorry to hear of your loss…thoughts are with you at this difficult time…” yadda yadda…much like all the other cards he received from his friends. I mean, after all, if anything all she could hope to be is a “friend” to Jeff, even if she doesn’t realize he thinks she is loco.

The card was filled- her i’s dotted with circles and scrawly script all jammed together as she wrote horrifically inappropriate things to a guy she dated 5 years earlier- a guy who’s current girlfriend of the past 4 years she has tried to make miserable- a guy who has expressed several times that he wants nothing to do with her and will never ever- ever- ever-ever be a part of her nutso life again. As my eyes tore the letter apart, phrases like “I wish I had known so I could have been there for you” and “you are always a priority in my life” and “please reach out to me, lean on me” and the kicker, “I love you always” burned into my brain. I seethed.

Over the course of my relationship with Jeff, the psycho has been, well, psycho. After about 6 months of our dating, she started texted and calling him, peppering him with emails. He got the old standard i-can’t-see-myself-happier-with-anyone-but-you lines tossed at him. He told her that he was with me and that he while he had cared for her, he would not ever get back together with her. They didn’t work. Instead of processing that information with grace, she instead chose to hack into his unused facebook account, friend me, (I thought it was him at the time!) and then proceed to fill an album with pictures of the two of them with corny captions underneath about her and “Jeffy”. I am sure her goal was to piss me off. Yeah well, okay, it did. Jeff deleted his account, told her she was nuts, and we moved on. The next 3 years have been battles of random texts (“thinking of you…”) , fake facebook accounts in an effort to internet stalk me, weekly reviews of my linkedin account, using mutual friends fb walls to attempt to poke fun at me or piss me off by calling me a “downgrade”, phone calls to Jeff about “why didn’t you call me on my birthday” or “I’m home for thanksgiving too, lets hang out!”, amongst other bullshit…

As you can see, it’s been a roller-coaster with this crazy ex gf. Therefore, this sympathy card was the straw that broke the camels back for me. I flipped. Here she was, taking an extremely sad event and using it to worm her way somehow into Jeff’s conscious. I wanted him to do something. In fact, I came damn near close to demanding him to write to her and tell her to piss off. He agreed with me how inappropriate her card was, but pushed back and said he felt no need to contact her since he wanted nothing to do with her. I wanted him to defend me. He wanted to ignore her.

We have a great relationship- we don’t fight, yell or ever go to bed angry. We talk, have fun together and are best friends. She is the ONE thorn in our relationship. But, she only pricks me. Jeff is unphased while she makes me turn into a raging, seething, bitterly angry person. He begged me to let it go. Said that if she contacts him again, that THEN he’ll do something, say something, make her go far far away (isn’t there an island for these people?). But, he argued with me, she was trying to do something nice by sending him a card. How could I put him in a position to say something to her when she sent him a sympathy card regarding his mother’s passing? Let me tell you, that made my angry turn to shame real quick. I knew this was a sensitive topic, I knew I could possibly come off sounding petty and bitchy by having this reaction- but then again, I also knew how horrible she was being by writing what she did. After all, I had many of my friends back me up on this.


So am I wrong? Am I selfish in wanting him to at least TRY to get her to stop infiltrating our lives whenever she has a chance? Am I going too far by thinking that whatever large steps we take together in our lives or whatever tragedy or happy moment we experience that she’ll try to make herself known? Clearly, there is a fine line between her sympathy and her crazy. I just can’t accept that what she wrote is okay. That isn’t what “friends” would write. Am I wrong for thinking that she still is wrapped up in Jeff? I don’t know anymore, but I know I’m tired of it.


It is comforting though, to know that he loves me and really and truly thinks she has mental issues. I never ever in the course of her psychotic actions have doubted Jeff or how he feels about me. It has never crossed my mind that he’d leave me for her. Ever. So, why does this bother me so much? Maybe because I don’t know her at all and she doesn’t know me and I just cannot wrap my mind around the fact that she’d want to hurt me at all. Who knows…but in the meantime, if anyone wants to create a place where all the crazy ex’s can go, I’m game to donate the funds. It might make a fantastic entertaining reality show…

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