woowee STYLISH!

A lovely way to start a Monday includes getting a 'Stylish Blogger' award! 
This was given to me by my cousin, Alivia who's blog I just adore. I tend to brag about her a lot and how great her blog is, so you probably know who I am talking about. :-) I thank her profusly because I certainly do not see myself as stylish but it is super sweet to know there is someone out there that does!!

Word is, that there are rules to this as follows:
 The Rules:
1. Thank the person that gave it to you
2. Share seven facts about yourself
3. Choose seven blogs you love to receive the award, and be sure to let those bloggers know you gave them the award!
As Alivia said in her blog, seven facts seems like a TON. Let's see what I can do here...
  1. My worst habit is that I bite my nails- I am 28 years old and have done this for as long as I can remember. I want to quit, really I do (!) but it is just so hard!! Maybe I'll get hypnotized?
  2. I, like my dear sweet cousin, suffer from an anxiety disorder. I have blogged/talked about it before. About 4 years ago, I started law school and after dealing with some pretty crazy symptoms and being scared out of my mind, I was diagnosed with panic disorder. Panic attacks were a part of my every day life for awhile and caused me to be afraid of lots of things that I normally was fine with. However, after time, cognitive therapy and some help from my doctor, I've been almost panic attack free for 6 months!
  3. I HATE elmer's glue.
  4. I am terribly, inexplicably afraid of Thunderstorms (lightning). 
  5. I am a nerd and I love to read- a great night in for me would include lots of blankets, a great book, my comfy clothes and a glass of wine. Oh man, just writing about that, I want it!
  6. I went to law school. I'm taking the bar exam in February. I'm terrified being a lawyer won't be fun or enough for me. 
  7. I love decorating rooms-- this is more a mental act since I haven't really been able to do (money!) what I want in my own home, but the planning and looking at items for the home, paint colors, rugs, cool old bits of furniture...ahhh I LOVE it.
Eek! Now I have to pick seven blogs? Well of course, I think right back that my cousin's blog/she is stylish...but 7 more? Hrm...

OBVIOUSLY, my peach or to you known as Emily with If Ever I Could, if you want to read some fantastic writing that often will take your breath away, head over here!   

My good friend Elizabeth has started a fashion blog with a friend of hers called The Sequined Blazer and it is pretty damn neat!

I read a bunch of other blogs but think that these two will appreciate being mentioned and I am unsure about the others! Anyway, COOL.

Happy Monday:)


Monday morning folly

Nicole  to Emily
show details 8:36 AM (28 minutes ago)

yessss and i'm nervous. what if I break the Turkey?
- Show quoted text -

Emily  to me
show details 8:38 AM (26 minutes ago)

Is it possible to break a turkey?  If there is anyone I would trust my turkey with, it would be you.
- Show quoted text -

Nicole  to Emily
show details 8:46 AM (19 minutes ago)

- Show quoted text -

Emily to me
show details 9:00 AM (4 minutes ago)

When you come, let's pretend that we are life partners from England and looking to purchase another summer home, and make an appointment to see this house.  Then, we'll walk through it and make all types of notes on a legal notepad (with squinty noses) about how we would redecorate.  Because, let's face it, this house is poorly decorated (and has way too much garage).

- Show quoted text -
Nicole  to Emily
show details 9:04 AM (0 minutes ago)

holy crap, YES!!!  (although I'm going to make you practice your english accent)


CANNOT stop listening to this: Ingrid Michaelson - Parachute

I usually don't listen to songs on repeat, but I seriously love this song. I cannot stop listening to it!

a rambling of weekends and beyond

Today is Friday (as some of you may be aware...unless you are Emily, and then there is a very good chance that you think it is Tuesday) and my weekend is very loosely filled. I say loosely because while I have plans, they are not concrete and some of them are kind of lame. Like housework, for example. Tonight we are going bowling at Portland's newest bowling establishment for Pete's birthday. I've never been there, but from what I hear it is quite different than most neon florescent bowling places. I'm excited to showcase my skills. 
Yes, that is me. On the floor.

After tonight, the weekend is more of less up for grabs. My obsessive compulsive disorder is forcing me to clean tomorrow- I may enlist Jeff for this, I noticed mold on the bathroom ceiling and all 5 feet 4 inches of me cannot even get close, even standing on my tippy-toes. Is it weird that I get extremely uncomfortable when the house is messy? I cannot stand crumbs on the counter, leaves on the floor, dirt and fluff balls in corners, clothes flung over railings...ugh, just thinking about it I am getting twitchy. After a day of cleaning, I'd like to spend tomorrow night vegging out with friends and wine. I hope that happens! 

Sunday, I'll go home for the day/night to see my 'rents since I will not be in attendance for Thanksgiving. This is the 3rd year in a row! That is kind of sad- what is not sad is not having to worry about running into any local Winslownians that I would like to avoid. Instead, I just have to think about the possibility of running into Jeff's nutter ex. Yay!

SOON (most likely December 1st) I will be without job. My days will then consist of exercise and the library (bar exam is in February)- I am actually excited to have a regimented schedule, partly because I'll finally have time to move my body & stretch. I love the way I feel when I am in shape and can move around on a daily basis. 

However, before the above occurs, I will be taking a trip to Connecticut to spend some q.t. with Em- I expect we will laugh, read, sleep, eat, explore and get into large amounts of rated G trouble. I cannot wait. I may be more excited for that than Christmas.


I suck at blogging

and it is okay- maybe when I am soon unemployed, I'll post more- but really I am better at reading them. And i loooove reading Em & Alivia's blogs- favorite part of my day.

Actually, another favorite part of my day is the slew of emails between Emily & I- they are weird, random and hilarious.

Start at the bottom (!!!!!!!):

From me to Em:

1) Yeah right. I'll believe it when you tell me how in love you are with the books. FOR the record, Alivia looooves them and got her boyfriend to read all 7 in 3 weeks. Do. It. Maybe when I come stay with you in a few weeks we can discuss. Or, if you haven't read them yet, I will tie you to a chair and read aloud to you. Yes, I will.

2) No, it'll be crazy- I'm going to wait until I can be in the theater without 10000 kids.

3) Yes, but I do believe Taylor Swift got there first.

On Thu, Nov 18, 2010 at 9:36 AM, Emily Pelletier wrote:
Ahhhhhh! I know, I still have to do that - maybe today!!  For real!

Are you going to the movie on Friday?

Would you be okay with me dating Jake Gyllenhaal?

On Thu, Nov 18, 2010 at 9:27 AM, Nicole Boutin <nboutin@******.com> wrote:
harry potter-ish:)


On Thu, Nov 18, 2010 at 9:26 AM, Emily Pelletier <emilykpelletier@*****.com> wrote:
hahahahahahaha  flaterbuster?  LOVE IT!  wanzer?  LOVE IT! 

british?  australian?

On Thu, Nov 18, 2010 at 9:21 AM, Nicole Boutin <nboutin@****.com> wrote:
oh flaterbuster, listen to it...he is a wanzer. just because you listen doesn't mean you need to call him back!


"I want"

That is a phrase that can be so completely loaded. "I want" can make you sound selfish, needy. I try to avoid saying it but usually just replace it with "what I would like is"...and really, is that much better?

When I really look at it, is saying "I want" so terrible? Isn't it being assertive? Just being clear? However, when your "I want" doesn't match up with another's "I want" or their "I don't know" what do you do? Do you stay firm in what you want, what you know you need? Or do you bend, even though it comes with cost to you...Do you weigh out the pros and cons of letting go of your "I want" and just being okay with what you have?

I'm not sure what is good. Or, more clearly, what is good for me. I know that you can't be afraid to want something. That part I know I have a grasp on.

"I want"...selfish?

I would like....(I want) to be with the man I love for the rest of my life in a committed relationship with a ring on my finger as a symbol.

I WANT (I would like) a job that I love that challenges me.

I would like (I want) to live with ONLY Jeff and no one else.

I WANT (I would really like) to see my friends that live out of state more.

I want many many things. I would like many many things. Bottom line? It is up to me.


When sleep doesn't come

I am tired and I can't shake it. I'm out of the loop- out of sync- just not with it.

I had been without Jeff for a month. Then traveled to California to see him. Then came home to a busy overwhelming crowded weekend. Then worked on the campaign. Then went to work and had a 14 hour day. And am back at work about to have another 14 hour day. Yet, I can't sleep. The past 4 nights I have tossed and turned and gotten up to use the bathroom or take a sip of stale night-water or put on more chapstick. I've smooshed Cali off my legs and over to Jeff's side of the bed. I sigh a lot. I flip my pillow. I check my cell phone. I take off my sweatshirt and put it back on when my arms get cold. I poke Jeff in the side because maybe it is his quiet snoring that is keeping me awake. Then I start the whole damn thing over again. Just when it seems I've found sleep, either my alarm goes off or I wake up after only 40something minutes.

Mornings are a struggle that even coffee can't cure. I've been yawning till my jaw cracks and i'm afraid to yawn in case my face gets frozen that way. I have really nothing to do at work- except count down the hours until making campaign calls and finally strolling into my house at 9, exhausted.

I'm not sure what it is. I think I'm stressed. I think my subconscious is full and not letting my conscious take some of the burden on. Sometimes I think I want too much out of my life and somethings not enough. I had a conversation last night on my sleepy drive home with my mother about my relationship with Jeff that made me anxious and squirmy. Am I being too patient? am I not patient enough? It is hard not to stop and think about my situation when my nutty mother uses the phrase "shit or get off the pot". Gross- who thought of that anyway? Hey whoevermadeupthatphrase-- maybe people sit on the pot just to think! Ever consider that one? Hmmm okay, maybe that is gross too.

Today I am a jumble- I need down time and I don't have it at all in my foreseeable future. I need to sleep. I need actual alone time with Jeff. I need a conversation. I need rhythm, a pattern. I need to wake up at 5am and move my body, shower at 6, on the road to work by 7 and then home again at 6 to read/converse/interact. I need to eat green vegetables. Root vegetables. Fruit. Fiber. I need to drink cold water with lemon. I need to stretch and move my limbs and my my muscles ache. I need to work from the inside out.

Or maybe I just need a good solid nights sleep.


the final countdown

Only basically 3 days left until I see Jeff- I am very very very excited.

I felt like blogging, but don't really have anything interesting to say- so instead i'll list things that have been making me happy this week/month/lately!

  1. Red wine- ever since Jeff has been gone I've been having a small glass at night before bed. It is delicious and from what I hear, good for you!
  2. Knitting- I learned! I'm still learning, thank goodness for youtube and their helpful videos. 
  3. CALIFORNIA- I leave in 3 days and I cannot wait to see the southern part of the state!
  4. Pumpkin- be it in the form of ice cream (Eddy's...omg so good), pudding, pies, cookies, scones...i've sort of become obsessed and managed to cook pumpkin in every way possible. I even bought a pumpkin candle. 
  5. Soup- I've been making delicious veggie soup to go with my goal of becoming a vegetarian and so far so good. I essentially just throw whatever vegetable I have on hand into the crock pot and let the wonders of slow heat take it from there.
  6. Hot apple cider- fall is hot apple cider time and I have a cup a day. It is so cozy when I am under a blanket wearing my pjs, wiggling my toes because i'm happy and warm. I love being warm. 
  7. My uggs- Yes, I know. They are ugly. and over priced. BUT they are also supremely warm and soft and I wear them as slippers for the most part. I don't care what anyone says- i love my warm warm super soft ugly boots.
  8. Cali- she has been awesome company in Jeff's absence and has managed to take up most of the bed, even more than Jeff does. But it is cute and makes me smile. and I love my smelly dog. 
  9. Stupid CW shows that start at 8. I think this needs no explanation.
  10. Ridiculous emails from friends I love that come from all hours of the day with no common theme or point. I love them.
  11. Receiving picture text messages- i LOVE this and I don't know why.
  12. Apples and peanut butter- I sort of hook on to a snack food for about a month and adore it. This month, this is it.

these pictures I did not take, but wish I did- got them all from weheartit- love this site so I guess this is #13 of the things I love in picture form:)


All by myself

I spent weekend #2 without Jeff doing many fall things I love. It wasn't so bad, but I know it would have been better with company. It made me miss Emily, too- because she loves these cozy fall things as much as I do and I haven't heard her laugh (squeak?)  in person for so long now. 

Missing Jeff is like breathing- I do it without even thinking. Inhale (missjeff) exhale (missjeff). It just sort of IS. I learn to navigate around it and occupy my time. I spent Saturday with a friend in the morning, then the afternoon with Cali, and the evening with Katie-- drinking hot chocolate, knitting and watching a really really stupid movie (The Stepfather...but hey, it had Dan from Gossip Girl in it). We had Duckfat paninis for dinner. OHMYGOD they are so good. I forgot how wonderful those can be. As well as their fries. swoon. for real- you just don't understand how good something fried can be until you've had their fries.

Sunday Cali and I met Molly and her dog Greta for a walk in Topsham. 

It was beautiful! All alone a river and the trees were so pretty-I loved it!! So did Cali. She and Greta chased each other alllllll through the woods, dove into the river and rolled in mud puddles and managed to completely soak Molly & I.  Downside, I spent 2 hours yesterday picking burrs out of Cali's fur. Poor puppy just laid there as I sprayed her with Johnson & Johnson detangler and picked, pulled and combed the little f'ers out.

I decided I NEEDED pumpkin seeds, so in my trip to the grocery store bought two huge pumpkins and just hollowed them out for their tasty little seeds. A nasty process well worth it. I also tried spaghetti squash for the first time last night- holy goodness. I put a little parm cheese and red sauce and it was just like spaghetti, except far less carbs:) and then, just when I thought I could relax with a glass of red wine, I said HECK no and whipped up some pumpkin chocolate chip scones- an adapted recipe using more pumpkin, less sugar and whole wheat flour.
However, as you can see- the wine was present the entire time.
I've decided that drinking wine alone while you bake is perfectly acceptable and encouraged.
Yummmmmmy dough- in a nice little circle.
Before baking- I even did an egg wash! oh la la.
After...can I just say...these are amazing. Its like..fall in your mouth. ha!

I know i've made it abundantly clear that I love the fall, but it just keeps getting better and better. The BEST will be in a few weeks- but for now, i'm doing more than okay.


G'day Mate!

Jeff sent me this picture from his phone
It is a view of the train station he goes to every day to get to work!!
He said Australia (so far) reminds him of Florida. Weird.
and this, this is his hotel room.
I'm sorry, "studio suit". 
It has a washer & dryer!
and he is located here. RIGHT smack in the middle of the city.
Although I guess he is super near China Town and wishes he could find food other than Chinese food :)

more days to go.


Love is this, too.

He leaves tomorrow. 
I want to whisk us away...
Maybe here:
or maybe here:
someplace where we can be alone.
sometimes, when we're together-we are just quiet.
we don't have words.
we don't need words.
i think in those moments i love him the most.
i want to make everything wonderful for him.
i want to make everything okay.
sometimes, i don't realize how much we balance each other.
when he is scared or nervous, i'm suddenly brave.
when he hurts, i'm strong. 
when i am sad, he makes me laugh.
I've got something real good.
22 days to miss him. 
Just 22.
that isn't too long. 

it really isn't. 
and, I love having someone to look forward to:)


down about Down Under

Jeff leaves in 3 days for Australia.

I am not pleased about this.

Not even a little. I KNOW it isn't that long. I KNOW that 22 days is minute compared to what some people have to go through...but, it is the longest we've been apart. AND i hate sleeping alone. I get scared. Cali misses Jeff. Makes me miss Jeff. I already miss Jeff & he isn't even gone.

Maybe he'll bring me back a kangaroo. Maybe.

I'm just worried. I worry. I can't help it. I don't know when/if/how we'll get to talk. What if Cali pees on the floor? What if Jeff finds a poisonous snake? What if the car breaks down? What if he gets bit by a shark?

I get to meet him in LA on Oct 16th- my plan gets in at 8pm.  Again...worry---> i have to fly ALONE. eep.

Maybe Lauren Conrad will be on my flight to LA....but somehow I doubt it.

Dear time, please fly by. Thanks, Nicole



Today, even though I woke up with a sore throat (ewww), we headed to the apple orchard. The weather was perfect- 65 & sunny!
Cali was super excited- she loves apple picking!

About two seconds after I took this picture she got the zoomies and ran around and around a tree like a crazy person- it was hilarious. Well, I thought so. Jeff- not so much.

I seeeeee you!

I enjoy hiding in trees. 

I don't even know what this kind of apple is- but they are delicious. and red. they are NOT red delicious however.

I grabbed her JUST as she was started to take off around the trees again- she thinks the apples are balls.
we are slowly starting to get better at the whole one-armed picture thing.

I see meeeeee!!!!
Jeff said it was too early for pumpkin carving- I guess he's right. 

I cannot even tell you how good this was. So. Good. I bought a gallon. I also bought a yummy looking blueberry oat scone mix. That = breakfast tomorrow.

And these....they are just one of the most wonderful creations ever. Apple cider donuts. They were still warm. OMG. We bought a 1/2 dozen (only $3!) and ate maybe 4 on the way home. We couldn't help it. They were STILL WARM! mmmmmmmmm. Now I want another way.

It was a perfect time and now we're grilling some food and I have yummy root veggies in the oven roasting- brussel sprouts, beets, potatoes, carrots, cauliflower, onions, garlic... lets just say, it smells fantastic. AND then we're having a fire & making s'mores. Did I mention I love fall? More then love, I adore. I..I...well, you get it.

okay off to have more happy! xo